


Begin Again

by hoechles



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 18:03:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoechles/pseuds/hoechles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek had thrown away the most important thing in his life long ago, but the wedding of two mutual friends may be the opportunity for Derek to reignite something he thought he would never get back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I've been working on this here..
> 
> Thanks and lots of hugs to [Kristine](http://alphasourwolf.tumblr.com) for betaing this for me. She's so nice and wonderful. 
> 
> Anyways, here this is. Hopefully it's not totally awful? :/

Something inside of Derek ached.

  _And I can't even breathe with this weighing on my chest_.

It was large, and it loomed over him every step of every day.

It was there when he grabbed his morning coffee from that place on the corner owned by that sweet old lady who always slipped him an extra pastry and gave him a comforting, understanding pat on the shoulder.

It was there when he finally made it into the office and past the fierce but concerned glare of his secretary, Erica.

It was there during every meeting and every lunch break and every late night spent pouring over company records.

It was there when he entered his cold, ridiculously large penthouse that somehow managed to be empty even with Jennifer's belongings scattered neatly throughout.

It was there more than ever when he slipped under the sheets with a person whose smell was too sweet and arms too suffocating around his waist.

It didn't seem to matter how long he worked out, or how may beautiful people he slept with, or how many accounts he sold at work.

Something inside of Derek ached, and no amount of therapy or coping mechanisms could make it go away.

Every morning he had to convince himself to get out of bed, and he was so sick of it. And even more, he was sick of feeling pathetic and sorry for himself.

  _And this was all a dream, and it's coming back to me._

_-_

(( "Ngh," Stiles groaned, "why are you always working out anyways?" He pouted in that familiar way that made Derek's chest clench and his brain scream 'Run away from this as fast as you can.'

Derek chuckled and rolled over to run his fingers over the pillow marks on Stiles' face. "Well, I need to keep my figure if this doesn't work out."

Stiles didn't even pretend to be affected by Derek's attempt at a joke. "Please. Like anyone else would put up with your constant brooding and waking them up at five a.m. _every morning,"_ his face screwed into a withering glare, "to go run two fucking miles." Stiles settled his hand on top of the one Derek had placed on his cheek and closed his eyes. "Honestly, you're a lunatic."

Derek smirked knowingly, "But you love my lunacy," Stiles opened his eyes very slowly and the look on his face was the aching that Derek walked around with daily.

When Stiles finally spoke his voice was a low, choked whisper, "I do. God, I do." And Derek had just been so scared, so so _scared_. Because he knew the look on Stiles' face was magnified on his own by nearly ten, and he didn't understand - it all seemed to be too much.

So Derek did what he does best.

He fled.

He quickly jerked his hand from under Stiles', gave his cheek a quick peck, and stumbled into his sweatpants with nothing but a brief glance thrown over his shoulder. The look on Stiles' face was broken and hurt, but mostly _disappointed_ , and that disappointment now clung to Derek like an itch he could never scratch.

When Derek came back from his run, Stiles had fallen back asleep, and Derek in a moment of sheer stupidity had completely forgotten about that look and what it meant. He didn't stop to savor the way Stiles' mouth hung slightly ajar, his beautiful, pink lips twitching ever so slightly in his sleep. He didn't savor the way the light from the rising sun hit Stiles' pale face and gave him the luminosity of an angel. He didn't savor it because he'd seen it every morning for a year and a half, and he didn't _remember_ a reason why he wouldn't see it the next morning as well. He didn't even run his hands through Stiles sleep mussed hair as he usually did, deciding he was running too late for that.

He remembered how he had gotten out of the office late, Erica bailing on him for her new boyfriend, and had decided to stop by Stiles' favorite diner and get his favorite curly fries for dinner. The kind that left grease dribbling down the side of Stiles' chin and a satisfied smile on his lips as he would claim he had the "best fuckin' man in the world" as if Derek had actually done something. But Stiles was always easy to please, and Derek was always taking things for granted.

Derek smirked to himself as he thought of ways to show Stiles just how he was the best boyfriend in the world as he waited patiently for the elevator to get to his home. _Their_ home.

But when Derek entered the apartment, there were no signs of Stiles anywhere. He called his name over and over again, but no answer ever came. And just when his calls began to get hysterical, he noticed the empty shelves and empty drawers and general emptiness that the lack of _Stiles_ left and he collapsed to the floor.

The curly fries left a grease stain on his carpet he was never able to get out. ))

* * *

When Derek arrived home that Thursday night, he could smell Jennifer's signature flatbread, and Derek's stomach pleaded with him to pretend he already ate. It was _good_ he supposed, but Derek didn't like flatbread and he hated spinach. It wasn't something he wanted to eat once let alone fifteen times every fucking month. _You didn't mind eating spaghetti with Super Duper Stilinski Sauce fifteen times a month_ , his traitorous brain reminded him. God, he wished his brain would shut down sometimes.

He once tried telling Jennifer how he felt about the flatbread, but she had only cried until he ate the whole dish himself. Derek really missed low maintenance.

He threw his briefcase by the door and shuffled his way into the kitchen, placing the fakest smile of delight he could muster onto his face.

"Hey," Jennifer chirped as soon as he entered the kitchen. "I'm making my flatbread!" Her back was to him, but Derek could almost _feel_ her smile and he definitely felt the guilt settle low in his stomach.

"Hey," he eventually replied, and it was almost sincere. He walked the distance between them and settled a kiss on the top of her head. He wandered to the fridge to grab a beer slipping a light “how was our day” to Jennifer as he opened the fridge door.

Jennifer sighed heavily and her grip on the knife she was holding tightened. "Did you know high school boys are really mean?" Derek chuckled and nodded his head, slipping his arm around her thin waist. That was familiar - a narrow waist. Sometimes when he was being a particular asshole, he pretended it was someone else's waist.

"I may know a little something about that, having been one myself once."

Jennifer laughed. "I can't imagine you being mean, though. You're the sweetest guy I've ever been with. Maybe even met." Derek was wondering who the fuck she was talking about - did she know him at all? - when his phone interrupted his train of thought. He whipped it out of his pocket, answering with a gruff hello. Yeah, he was the nicest guy ever; he couldn't even say hello without sounding like a caveman.

"Derek!" Isaac's cheerful voice actually brought Derek to smile.

"Isaac," Derek waited for Isaac to get to the point. Derek was never one to have a nice phone conversation with, and Isaac who had known Derek for almost ten years now knew that better than anyone.

“I have something exciting to tell you!” Derek highly doubted this, everything seemed to be exciting to Isaac but it was one of those things that made him one of the best people Derek had ever known.

"Sure, Isaac, what is it? Can this wait until Friday dinner?" Derek, Isaac, Erica, and Boyd held a monthly dinner to make sure they kept in touch no matter what was happening. They all had their adult responsibilities and relationships, but they still liked to get together and act like teenagers.

"Noooo," Isaac whined, "it absolutely cannot wait, Der. I'm about to tell you the best news of my life, and you're blowing me off." Derek could see Isaac's puppy face through the phone, and he immediately felt like the biggest jerk.

"Okay, I'm sorry. What is it, then?" He moved into the living room to hear over Jennifer clanging around in the kitchen. She pinched his butt on the way out, and it actually didn't want to make him peel his skin off.

Isaac took a deep breath as if he was trying to push all of his excitement back in to ready himself for an explosion. "ME AND SCOTT ARE GETTING MARRIED, DEREK! MARRIED!" Derek winced, pulled the phone slightly away from his ear and - _Isaac and Scott are getting married_. "HE PROPOSED WHILE WE WERE TAKING A WALK LAST NIGHT! HE'S SO ROMANTIC!" Isaac was practically screaming now, but Derek could barely hear him. _Isaac and Scott are getting married_. "HE ALMOST DROPPED THE RING IN THE LAKE, BUT HE SAVED IT, AND I'M WEARING IT, AND EVERYTHING IS PERFECT. AND DEREK, ME AND SCOTT ARE GETTING MARRIED!" _Isaac and Scott are getting married._

There was a sudden ringing in Derek's ears, and he couldn't tell if it was the oven in the background or his own heart rate. "Derek?" Isaac was much quieter now, and he sounded concerned. "Derek, I'm sorry if this reminds you... If it makes you feel bad -"

Derek cuts him off, ashamed he hadn't reacted to his best friends wonderful news in a more positive way. "Don't be an idiot. How could it make me feel bad?" _Because that should be you and Stiles._ "That's incredible news, Isaac! I'm ecstatic for you guys, really."

 _Lie to me like you used to_.

Isaac only sighed. "Derek, he's gonna be at the wedding, ya know. He's gonna be _in_ the wedding. So will you. In fact, the main reason I called was to ask you to be my best man." At the last word, Isaac sounded almost hopeful like he thought Derek might turn him down, when it was actually the biggest honor of Derek's life.

"Isaac, I-" Derek stopped, embarrassed by the tears clouding his vision, "I don't know what to say, man. Thanks. And yeah, of course I'll be your best man! Why the hell wouldn't I? But why not Boyd?"

Isaac didn't even hesitate. "Because you're the one who helped me through all that shit with my dad. And yeah, Boyd's a great friend, but sometimes I almost feel like you've become my dad. My extremely distant, extremely hot dad, but still my dad." Derek chuckled and blinked away the tears now freely falling down his face. "Now stop with all the self-loathing and just say, 'Yes, Isaac, being your best man is a dream come true.'" Derek full out laughed, but said just that. Isaac sighed happily this time. "Good I'm glad that's sorted. Now, about the other thing. The, uh, oh God don't kill me, Stiles thing."

Derek's happiness was wiped away in an instant. Right. Isaac and Scott were getting married, so Stiles would of course be Scott's best man. "You know," Derek gritted out, "I'm not so mentally unstable that you can't say his damn name."

"Uh," Isaac hesitated, "so that time two weeks ago when Erica accidentally mentioned how she'd been talking to Stiles and you knocked three glasses of beer and two plates of food onto the floor was a coincidence then?"

Oh shit. Derek had forgotten about that. "Whatever," he growled, "I just didn't realize you all still talked is all."

"Well it is difficult when you two make it seem like we're in between a messy divorce," Isaac chuckled.

 _No_ , Derek thought to himself, _what's difficult is how everyone loves Stiles so fucking much_. Derek, on the other hand, hadn't spoken to any of Stiles' friends since...

In a long time.

Except Lydia. But she didn't count. She and Peter were practically joined at the hip, and she and Cora were so close she was like his sister now.

"Isaac, it’s not a big deal. I can handle it." A very plausible excuse suddenly came to Derek. "I've got Jennifer now anyway."

There was a long pause from Isaac's end of the phone, and Derek knew he was about to say something he didn't want to say, but felt he had to say because Isaac was too good of a person for his own good sometimes. "Derek, you ever heard of a rebound relationship?"

" _Isaac_ ," Derek quickly flicked his eyes to the kitchen, but he could see Jennifer busily finishing up dinner, completely oblivious to the conversation.

"No, Derek! You know it's true, and you know it's not right. Jennifer's a nice lady, and you're using her to take up space in your bed." He sounded so disappointed. Like the look on Stiles' face that night had somehow found a voice to accuse Derek with.

What made Derek mad more than anything was how right Isaac was. God, he was so right. And it was so pathetic that Derek couldn't even admit it to himself. "Shut the fuck up," Derek growled, "just because your relationship with Scott is fucking rainbows and daisies, it doesn't give you the right to go around critiquing everyone from your fucking pedestal." Derek's heart was pounding in his chest, and he felt little droplets of sweat beading down his forehead.

"Okay, Derek, whatever you say. I just don't like seeing you do this to yourself." Isaac was so sincere that Derek immediately regretted his little outburst.

He sighed. "No, Isaac, I'm sorry. I know that, but you have to know I'm fine. I'm over it now." Derek felt his own heart rate skip over the lie.

"Okay," and Derek thought Isaac heard it, too. "Well, I just wanted to tell you everything, and I wanted to also tell you that we're all gonna meet at my house on Friday instead of going out, okay?" Isaac squeaked out the last _okay_ , and something told Derek that he should be picking up on something, but Derek's mind was already a million miles away.

"Alright. See you tomorrow." Derek hung up before Isaac could give his own goodbye.

"Derek! Dinner, babe!" Jennifer called, and Derek's stomach pleaded something awful.

"Okay. I'll be there in a minute." He hurried down the hall and into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Placing his head in his hands, he sat down on the toilet and told himself to calm down.

Here's the thing:

Derek and Stiles had introduced Scott and Isaac. Not only did they introduce Scott and Isaac, they set up their first date.

Okay, technically Stiles set it up and forced Derek to bring Isaac, but Derek had helped Stiles off the floor.

-

(( Derek was so not in the mood for this. He and Peter had been working on the new account for ten hours and all he wanted to do was crawl into bed after treating himself to a fat, juicy cheesesteak for all of his hard work. Instead, as soon as he pulled dup to the greasiest sub shop he could think of, his phone began to play the ridiculous ringtone Stiles had set for himself on their first date.

Who sets a ringtone for themselves on their first date? Derek should have known he was in trouble when he found that endearing and not startlingly creepy.

Derek had answered the phone excited despite himself.

"You know," Stiles began on his end, "the grunting when you answer the phone is more creepy than sexy."

Derek grunted in response.

Stiles chuckled. "Okay. Maybe I was wrong. It could be a little sexy."

Derek felt the heat creeping onto his skin, and he couldn't believe this spastic criminology major had him feeling like a thirteen year old girl.

"Aww," Stiles cooed after Derek hadn't said anything, "you're blushing, aren't you?" And how the hell did this kid manage to figure him out so well in only three months?

Derek couldn't let him know that though of course. "No, Stiles. I was just trying to figure out why I agreed to go out with such an annoyance."

"Uhm. Wow. Ouch, Derrie Poo." Derek growled. "That is so harsh. And I think you have the story a bit wrong? I believe you are the one who approached me." Derek knew Stiles was wearing that self-satisfied smirk, and he desperately wanted to wipe it off with his lips.

However, Stiles had the story completely wrong. "You dropped your eggs, and I bent over to pick them up. You then ogled my ass instead of helping and made various inappropriate statements before accidentally running into me four more times."

"Ahhh,' Stiles said, "but who asked who for whose number?"

"After I was harassed!"

"Ah, ah, ah. Tah-mae-to, tah-ma-toe. The point is, you couldn't resist the Stilinski charm in the long run."

Derek snorted. "If charm is what you want to call it."

"And what do you call it?" Derek pictured his smile lighting up his eyes.

"Annoy and destroy," he said fondly.

Stiles full-on laughed. "I like that, Mr. Hale."

Derek was quiet, letting the sound of Stiles' laughter relieve the tension in his shoulders. Why hadn't Derek called this kid in the first place?

"You still there, big guy?" And maybe Derek was picturing it, but it sounded like Stiles was letting something sink in himself.

"Yep. You gonna tell me the reason you called?" Derek had to pretend he couldn't sit there and just listen to the sounds of Stiles breathing and consider it a successful conversation.

"You don't just wanna talk to me?" Stiles paused. "Actually, don't answer that. Anyway, you know Scott, right?"

Derek sighed, wondering where this was going. "How could I not know Scott? You talk about him almost as much as you talk about Star Wars."

"Hey! You know what, now is not the time to discuss your awful taste in everything pop culture. We have an important issue at hand. Scott McCall is sadly single."

Derek was honestly confused. "How does that affect me at all?"

Stiles sighed as if the answer was obvious. "Because, Derek. We have to set him up!"

Now Derek was annoyed. "Stiles, it's almost eight, I just got out from a long work day, and you're calling me to set up your best friend. Can't this wait?"

"You're such an idiot," Stiles said but there was no force behind his words, "it's Saturday! Let's go do something before you devote your Sunday to work, too." Derek remained silent. "C'mon, man. I don't feel like watching you go over legal documents while I watch Supernatural reruns." Sadly, this had been about eighty percent of their dates. Derek really was a workaholic. He was tired, but he had to admit he wouldn't mind skydiving right now if he got to be with Stiles.

_You knew me at my best._

"Okay," and Stiles cheered loudly, "but who are we setting him up with?"

"Haha! Remember how you were saying how down Isaac was feeling ever since he and Heather broke up?"

Derek didn't like where this is going. "Stiles, isn't Scott straight?" And also, yes, Isaac was very down, and Derek didn't want to make it any worse.

Stiles scoffed. "Scott thinks he's straight, but I've seen the way he looks at Robert Pattinson. And Isaac and Robert Pattinson kind of look alike, right?"

Derek was almost offended. "Ew, no. Isaac is so innocent looking. He practically looks like a child." Isaac was a child. He was only twenty-four. Derek didn't need him having his heart run over again and again before he reached a quarter of a century old.

"Derek, Derek," Stiles intoned," it's so adorable how you see him as a son, but Scott is the nicest dude on the face of the planet. It'll be fine! C'mon, Derek, please? They're both single and too depressed to mingle. It's a match made in heaven!"

Derek groaned and wondered how _this_ match came to be, but he supposed he owed it all to Smithson's Grocery. "Okay fine. But if Scott realizes he's not into dudes, which he's so not, he better break it gently to Isaac."

"Scott knows nothing but gentleness I assure you. Now, we're gonna meat at that cute little pizzeria on Maple in an hour, okay? You bring Isaac. I bring Scott. If anything gets too weird or awkward, we can leave like that. No harm done." Stiles sounded so confident that the almost had Derek feeling that way too. Almost.

After much convincing on Derek's part, Derek and Isaac arrived at the restaurant an hour later. Scott and Stiles were having an animated argument across the restaurant, and Derek was going to wring Stiles' neck if this turned into as big a disaster as he feared it would. Derek began to approach the table slowly, Isaac trailing behind like a dog with its tail between its legs. Fragments of the conversation caught Derek's ear as he got closer.

"Scott! Stop being such a fucking baby! It's barely even a date!" Stiles' face was blotchy, and the veins in his neck were bulging at an alarming rate and Derek was getting an inappropriate boner.

"Stiles," Derek suddenly had the thought that Isaac wasn't the only one who could pull a good puppy impersonation. "Me and Allison have barely been broken up for a month. I just want some time to get over it before I go even thinking about rushing into something else. Don't you get that?"

"Yeah," Stiles sighed and Isaac was shuffling uncomfortably next to Derek, also listening to the conversation. "I mean do you want me to call Derek? Maybe call the whole thing off?" Isaac sighed in rejection beside Derek and it looked like Scott was opening his mouth to tell Stiles to do just that and Derek didn't lose his goddamn cheesesteak for this.

So Derek stepped forward and placed a firm palm onto Stiles' shoulder, and three things happened very quickly. First, Stiles spastically fell out of his chair, Derek bent to help him up while shaking his head with a scary fondness, and Isaac and Scott's eyes met over the table.

The last one changed everything.))

-

 

And now, here they were, almost two years later, and Isaac and Scott are getting married, and Stiles and Derek are nothing. Not friends and certainly not lovers. Nothing.

"Derek, babe! C'mon, it's gonna get cold! No one likes cold flatbread!" Jennifer's voice was too shrill from so far away, and Derek stumbled off of the toilet and told himself to get a fucking grip.

Derek stood up and glanced at his reflection in the mirror, and he swore he saw right through himself and into this poser he'd become. Isaac's words echoed against his skull - rebound, rebound, rebound - and he used to believe Derek Hale was above a rebound relationship and he knew Isaac had thought so, too.

Derek wasn't entirely sure he knew who he was anymore.  _And I can barely tell the sky from the shoreline._ He walked around every day trying not to think about the second worst thing he had ever done in his life, and he longed desperately to be free of it.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo..? Yes , no , hell no? [tumblr](http://ackleshoechlin.tumblr.com)
> 
> Also if you were wondering.. The chapter title and the little lyrics throughout are from Plane Vs Tank Vs Submarine by Tigers Jaw, you should listen to them. Thanks for readingg xx


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